This girl is more easily done than said...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
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so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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