my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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