You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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