I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize