btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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