I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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