my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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