I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
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I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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