I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize