The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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