Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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