I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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