i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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