remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
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omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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