remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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