No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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