I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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