the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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