I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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