as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize