pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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