You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize