you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
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Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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