I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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