She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
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Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
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it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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