No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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