Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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