The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize