i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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