It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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