so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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