Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
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No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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