I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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