It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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