Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize