This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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