Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize