my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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