I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
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We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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