i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
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I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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