Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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