you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
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Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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