does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize