I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize