i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize