I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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