so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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