I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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