i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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