babies were throwing up all over the place
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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